Tired!..... That's a freaking understatement!

Day 11 & 12

Thought I had better catch up on the last two days since I'm about to start day 13 which is another significant moment but I can't really write about it until I've filled in the last two days, just have to try and switch my memory on as it's not really working so well at the moment..

I think I barely finished the Day 10 post as I was exhausted well I guess that's exactly how the next day started.  I actually thought I felt pretty good Thursday morning to begin with but that didn't last very long.

No caption needed!

One of the many symptoms of MS is fatigue, I'm talking extreme fatigue and, you feel like you've run a marathon when all you've done is have a shower and this is after a full 8 hours sleep.  My usual mornings are all about my kids (don't get me wrong, it's exactly what I want them to be about) and by the time I've organised them and taken them to school I usually get home drag my arse up the stairs and collapse until I'm ready to try and do something for the day, and that's if I can..  I think (and please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong) that fatigue is actually one of the most common symptoms of MS..  Most of our other symptoms are so very individual and widely varied but I think most of us do suffer from fatigue and it's also that horrible thing which no one can see and it's really hard for others to appreciate (for which I don't blame them)..  When someone with MS says they are tired (or fatigued as I'm told we should say), it's not the usual overworked/sleep deprived it's dead on your feet exhaustion..

Anyway as usual I digress!  What I think I'm getting at is I'm always tired/fatigued, it's a part of what I deal with all the time - well this last two days has been in another realm of fatigue for me.  I've been hardly able to stay awake, only really to eat, drink, toilet.  Thursday was the worst, I could hear people come and go and talk but I just couldn't stay awake.  I really wanted to be able to go upstairs to celebrate Aaron & Troy's "New Life" party as it's so significant so I told Paul I needed to shower.

BIG mistake....  the shower that is....  Dr Fedorenko had been in to check on me, blood pressure was good and he took my bandage off my neck and that had healed up nicely so I was able to have a proper shower.  Paul helped me in and about 2 seconds later that woozey feeling came fast so I lowered myself to the floor, not good, really not good, thank goodness Paul was outside the door, finally got to stand up and Paul wrapped me in my dressing gown and managed to walk/carry me back to bed (not an easy feet for him being the size I am!).  Lucky no-one tried to visit, would not have been a pretty sight!!

Paul says I told you so, you didn't need a shower, and yes he was definitely right..  More sleep, more sleep.  New life party scheduled for 4pm so Paul gets a wheelchair so we can make it upstairs for that.

The "New Life" party for Aaron and Troy is beautiful to be a part of, I'm just so happy for them!!

Can't stay long as I, yes, need to go back to bed.  Now the neck catheter is out I'm looking forward to a great nights sleep, which I got..

Friday - Feeling a little better although maybe not, still exhausted.  About to try and shower and the nurse comes to take me for my next catheter, false alarm, she'll be back around 12pm.  Manage to get showered this time although make Paul stands guard at the ready just in case, still feeling unsteady but not fall down like yesterday.  Then, yes, back to sleep.  About 1pm we head upstairs for the next catheter, this ones not so bad 'they say'.  Matt goes first, I don't get to see his face on the way out so not sure about how he went, I'm not feeling as nervous as the first one but I still am quite a bit..  

New neck catheter in - Chemo starts tomorrow!

They ultrasound to find the best vein (so I'm told), some people have had what I believe they call 'subclavical' further on your chest which is apparently more comfortable, also these tubes are softer so should be a bit more comfortable than the other, but you don't get to ask where you'd like it, it's about the best position.  So from the pushing and what I assume is the ultrasound mine seems to be going in a similar position to the last one, here we go..  Can't say it was that much easier than before, still quite uncomfortable pressure and the feeling of something being pushed into your body, a bit queezy, and once I sit up still feel like a stiff neck that I can't move - not as heavy as the last though.  What I can say though is that Anastasia held my hand once again making me feel at ease and the doctor and nurse are so very lovely and professional that I don't have any worries about the care.  The unease is really all in my head!

Off for a quick x-ray and thankfully everything is in place.  I'd hate to have to go back in for it again although I'm sure it must happen on the odd occasion although maybe not I don't know!   

I'm a bit grumpy this afternoon, think things might be catching up with me..  Trying to stay strong but it's feeling a little bit hard today..  Not looking forward to the night ahead as this new catheter is really not feeling like it's the sleep accessory I needed..  Might try Game of Thrones to take my mind off it!

Chemo starts tomorrow!!